I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
