have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
