her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
