I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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