my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
someone owes me an orgasm
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
