Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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