mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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