I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
