apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
