Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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