I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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