alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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