my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
