i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
