I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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