I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
