Pappa wants mamma naked
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
