My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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