no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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