You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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