i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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