Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
