non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize