i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
third nipple confirmed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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