I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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