these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
