Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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