Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's rum buckets o'clock
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
