It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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