He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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