The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
