on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
