I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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