I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm at about main and main street
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
