Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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