Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
