youre lurking in front of me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
