I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I should be sponsored by Trojan
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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