I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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