Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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