i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
