Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
