i don't like sucking hair
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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