I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
