I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
