I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
