did you get engaged???
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
