I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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