glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
