I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
