I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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