Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
