I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
