he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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