Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
