I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
