So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
