I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
