one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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