We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
