I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
