lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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